Adulting is Kinda... a Lot

I don't know if it's just me but adulting is actually so much harder than I thought it was going to be

Not in a Dramatic "everything is falling apart" way. Just in a constant, everyday, low-key exhausting way that never really shuts off.

I feel like no one really talks about how much of it is just being tired. Mentally, physically, emotionally... all of it. And still having to function like its normal.

Some days I'm fine. I wake up, I do what I need to do, I talk to people, I get things done, and it all feels pretty manageable. And then other days It's like why does everything feel so hard for no reason?

Evan small things feel weirdly big. Texting people back, starting something, making decisions. I'll literally know what I need to do and still just sit there like I can't make my brain cooperate yet. And I wish I could explain that better but it's not even that something is wrong. That's what makes it confusing. Everything is technically fine but I still feel off.

I also wish my body would love waking up early. Like I wish I was one of those people who wakes up and is instantly awake and productive. Because I wake up and it feels like I'm still loading into my own life for a while.

And I wish I could just do things when I'm tired. Like actually tired. Not "I don't feel like it" tired, but the kind where your brain is just done and still expects you to keep going anyway.

And adulting is also all these random things I didn't think would feel this big. Like budgeting and trying to make your money last instead of disappearing. Or picking out the right Credit cards and feeling like you're supposed to magically know what all the fine print means. Or trying to find a nice place to live realizing it's not just "does it look good," it's rent, location, safety, utilities, commute, all of it at once. And somehow you're just expected to decide like it's simple.

It kind of feels like I'm always running low on something I can't fully see. Not just money, but energy, motivation, patience... all of it. Some days I feel like I have enough and I'm like okay I can handle this. And then other days I wake up and it's just not there and everything feels heavier than it should.

And the annoying part is life doesn't pause for that. You still have to respond, show up, figure things out, act like you're fine. So from the outside it probably looks like I'm fine, but inside I'm kind of just trying to keep up with everything at once. But I don't feel like t

hat. I still feel like I'm figuring everything out as I go and half the time I'm just guessing and hope it works out.

And then I look around and it feels like other people have it more together, which just makes you feel behind even if your probably not. But I don't think anyone actually has it fully figured out. I think some people are just better at making it look like they do.

There are days where I'm proud of myself, but it's not big things. It's small things. Like I go through the day, I did what I needed to do, nothing went wrong. And honestly that's enough sometimes. And there are days where I just feel overwhelmed for no clear reason. Not sad exactly, just like everything is sitting in my head at once and I don't know where to even start. Even when I try to rest, my brain is still running in the background. And honestly, a lot of those days I just end up on my phone or watching tv just to kind of shut my brain off for a bit. Not even because I'm super interested in anything, but because it's the easiest way to not think for a while. It's like my brain needs something else to focus on because I don't really have the energy to process everything else. I think that's the hardest part of adulting for me. It's not the responsibilities, it's carrying everything mentally all the time.

I don't know. I guess I'm starting to realize adulting isn't about having everything together like I thought it would be. It's more just learning how to keep going even when you don't feel fully there. Some days you're doing a lot, some days you're barely doing anything, and somehow both still count. And honestly, if I got through the day and didn't completely fall apart, that feels like enough right now.